8 Ways To Cope With Stress

Photo by Quinn Corte, 2021.

Listen to the audio version below:

When the unthinkable is happening, how do we go about our daily lives? Those of us who feel deeply are worn out by a world that demands continual high performance in the midst of prolonged stress and tragedy.

This is a systemic failing, and one we are fighting to change. But in the meantime, we have to care for ourselves and each other.

I've learned so much as I research and write a book about soulful stress relief. Today I'm sharing a few simple ways to regulate your nervous system when you're feeling the weight of the world but have to keep going.  

Let me be crystal clear--you don't always have to push through. When you're experiencing chronic stress, it's wise to stop, to slow down, to fall apart, to get help, to be witnessed, or to shift your priorities. But sometimes life requires you to keep going, even when you're really struggling. These techniques can help support you through it.

Here are 8 practical ways to cope during stressful moments: 

1. Locate yourself.
   When you're lost in thought or sensation, steer yourself gently to the present moment. Start by focusing on your feet as you wiggle your toes or walk around the room (this is my first step when experiencing severe anxiety). Or come back to the present moment by making a mental list of things you notice around you. These exercises shift your attention, helping you find solid ground when you're sinking.
   

2. Consciously slow down your breath.
   I find this tip infuriatingly helpful. Consciously changing my breath makes me feel wildly impatient, but it also immediately calms me. The reason? Slower breaths signal safety to the brain, shifting the nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode. Counting off your inhales and exhales is a great way to start (try a simple box breath).
   

3. Stimulate the vagus nerve.
   The vagus nerve connects the brain to major organs, and tells the nervous system when to relax. You can stimulate it and incite a relaxation response by humming or chanting "OM," submerging your face in cold water, massaging your ears, gargling, or exhaling loudly. Seriously, these things can help.
   

4. Hold a grounding object to anchor you.
   This small thing has helped me through the hardest moments of my life. I suggest holding a stone that feels good in the palm of your hand, or a significant object that gives you strength. When things get overwhelming, return your focus to its weight and texture. Carry it in your pocket during tough times.
   

5. Focus on something beautiful.
   When your brain is spinning or your mood is plummeting, find something uplifting in your surroundings. Even the most barren winter cityscape can offer a beautiful color on a sign, the wide open sky, or a sweet fellow human. Count to 60 as you hold your focus and open your heart. Focusing can interrupt the mind and de-escalate the stress response.
   

6. Take a bathroom break.
   Staying frozen in a tense situation compounds the stress response. It might not be possible to run away from whatever you're facing, but you can excuse yourself and splash your face, shake the stress from your body, or take a few deep breaths. Interrupting your stress cycle and changing locations offers you a moment to come back to yourself.
   

7. Engage in touch.
   Do something tactile to bring you back to your body--put lotion on your hands, rub your thighs, massage your scalp, caress your skin, put your hand on your belly, or pet your dog. When depleted, try vigorously rubbing your hands together for 30 seconds and then place your tingly warm palms over your eyes.
   

8. Make a tiny connection.
   When the nervous system is activated by a real or perceived threat, the brain scans for signals of safety--especially from those around you. Meeting the eyes of someone you love or trust can be incredibly soothing, as can hugs, talks, and walks. But research shows that even a small connection with a stranger ("I love your earrings!") can help downshift a stress response. Our brains evolved to survive in tribes, so they respond well to tiny displays of belonging.

These techniques are very simple, but they are tried-and-true.

A stressed-out brain searches for signs of safety, both inside the body and outside it. External cues of safety can be connecting with a stranger, noticing what's around you, or holding something solid. Internal cues of safety can be a slowing breath, soothing touch on the skin, or the inner vibration from a chant. When the brain detects those cues, it shifts the nervous system into a more relaxed state.

But when you've been under prolonged stress, these small tips won't be enough to regulate your system in the long-term. Do what you can in stressful moments, and then offer yourself deeper support as soon as possible. Don't ignore your stress, bottle your emotions, or postpone your care for too long. Your distress deserves (and requires) tending.

When you have more time and capacity, here are a few places to start:

• Ask for support. Have others witness your feelings and lend their help.

• Allow yourself to feel everything you've had to set aside.

• Engage in physical movement and/or crying--two of the most effective ways to discharge stress from the body.

• Turn your anger or stress into activism, transforming helplessness into agency.

• Prioritize moments of joy, pleasure, expression, and play, which are so often cast aside but vital for engaging your body and soul during difficult times.

• Rest. Giving your body breaks from stimulation and responsibility is critical for an overtaxed system.

• Check our our library for guided ways to de-stress.

I can't wait to share more with you in my upcoming book!

Please note: I’m not a licensed therapist, doctor, or medical professional. This email is designed to support–not replace or provide medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are having a really hard time, I urge you to seek both professional and personal support. (Suicide prevention lifeline. Find a therapist.) Please take care.