How to Move Forward Without Planning, Deadlines, or Pressure
Let's drift together. Photo by Quinn Corte, July 2024.
How to Move Forward Without Planning, Deadlines, or Pressure
Planning, deadlines, and pressure: three ingredients we think we need to make progress. And sometimes they work! Planning can make us feel prepared and confident. Deadlines might give us a final push to buckle down and finish a beloved project. And people under pressure can make miracles happen.
But day-to-day, these little devils mostly make us feel overwhelmed and bad about ourselves. In our hasty, hustle-y world, we hold up unfulfilled plans as a measuring stick for our worth. We don’t use deadlines in moderation. And we constantly pressure ourselves to be super-human.
I humbly offer an alternative. Whether you’re like the energizer bunny (unable to slow down) or a stuck sloth (unable to get moving), there’s a gentler way to take action.
If You're an Energizer Bunny...
If you tend to to over-plan, over-function, and over-pressure yourself,
and you’d like to feel less rushed and overwhelmed,
don’t work faster in hopes that you’ll eventually have time to relax.
Instead, try this:
Make time now for not doing.
Without space and fresh air, your inner flame will die out. Give yourself chunks of time each day (big or small) for recovery, integration, dreaming, and exploring (phone-free!). Set a start and end time for this period of “not-doing,” so your inner taskmaster can relax knowing it’s not forever.Go list-free and deadline-free.
Try it for a a week. Notice when you apply arbitrary time pressure and see how you feel when you let that go. And notice how the most important things always get done, even without a list.Ruthlessly cancel things.
Get really, really discerning about what you actually have to do and what you can skip. How to know the difference? Don’t think about other people’s reactions. Instead, visualize being completely free from a thing. If you feel relief or excitement in your body, consider letting it go.Reassure your anxious parts.
It’s natural for part of you to feel panicked about slowing down and doing less. Let that part of you express its fears and ask what it needs to feel safe.Redefine what’s “enough.”
Accept that you will never finish your to-do list. Everyday, more tasks and desires will arise. Soften your expectations, allow yourself to feel satisfied more easily, and find peace at the end of each day.Acknowledge your progress.
Focus on what you’ve done, not what’s left to do. When I started writing down what I’d done and what I’d been going through emotionally on each day or each month, I realized how skewed my perception was. I was actually juggling a lot. And so are you.
If You're a Stuck Sloth...
If you’re feeling ready to emerge after a period of grief, transition, or solitude,
and you feel stuck about how to move forward,
don’t give yourself deadlines or call yourself slow or flaky.
Instead, try this:
Set check-ins, not deadlines.
You may feel like you need a nudge forward, and setting a deadline is one motivational tool. But instead, I like to give myself a check-in date. For example: “I’m going to try this until Labor Day and then reevaluate. After a few weeks, I can decide to change course or make adjustments.”Plug your leaks.
Get really honest about what’s draining you. Make a list of what’s weighing you down and zapping your energy. Can you set any boundaries, cut something or someone out of your life, or come up with ways to make life less draining?Honor your curiosities.
Notice all the little and big things that draw your interest and attention. Instead of making lots of plans and getting overwhelmed, tug at those threads. Let yourself be inspired and sparked. Poke around. Explore.Notice your inner dialogue.
Why can’t you have what you want? What story are you telling as an excuse to stay in your comfort zone? Get really honest. Is your belief true? Can you actually know for sure that it’s true?Take a tiny step.
Make one move in the direction you want to go that’s so small you barely notice it. Start by taking just one tiny step. When that’s done, identify the next one. Resist the temptation to start by making a big, overwhelming plan or list.Tap your community.
Instead of using pressure to motivate yourself, ask for support and cheerleading as you take tiny brave steps. Let your cheer squad give you a pep talk when you’re being hard on yourself. See your people more often, and do the hardest things together.
No matter what your style is, you don't need to be hard on yourself in order to move forward. If deadlines and plans have turned into a source of shame or punishment or failure, I promise there's a better way.