Overwhelm Isn't a Personal Failing
We're all trying to stay afloat (Greece snorkeling, 2023).
Overwhelm Isn't a Personal Failing
Let me tell you about the kind of month I’ve had.
This month I drafted three essays for you, and by the time I sat down to finish, they no longer felt relevant. Life is moving too fast to hold onto a single idea at a time.
It was the kind of month that was gone in the blink of an eye. A month that threw me into the deep end of a new job, where I spent my days acutely focused on just swimming and breathing.
This month I mourned lots of things I wish I could have done, but didn't have the capacity to.
I’ll be honest. It’s feeling really, really hard to have a new job.
My days feel so rushed. I spend all my time working, thinking about work, preparing myself to go to work, and recovering from work. I’m prioritizing my wellbeing—even during this crazy time—so I’m spending my free time sleeping, preparing food, and doing whatever it takes to dispel the stress and calm my system down.
At work, I’m trying so hard to not get sucked in to the grind. I feel like a wild animal clinging to her way of life—furiously defending her boundaries and sense of self. But it is…So. Hard. So hard not to feel like everything is on my shoulders, like everything is urgent, like I have to prove myself.
And the STRESS. My goodness, I am stressed out. I’m not a runner, but I have so much nervous energy that I feel like I could run all day. My migraines have been more frequent and stubborn lately. I even started talking in my sleep!
My brain is fried and my body is tired.
It’s all such a huge adjustment—commuting for the first time in 3+ years, getting fully dressed everyday, making lunches, learning new personalities and systems, figuring out how to solve problems for my team, absorbing massive amounts of information, learning new skills on the fly, having far less free time, being utterly exhausted on the weekends.
And I’m having feelings on top of all this. Deep climate grief. End of summer sadness. Anxiety. Disappointments. Loneliness. All moving through in waves.
Phew.
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I’m overwhelmed, but I'm not abandoning myself.
I’m observing and supporting myself through this.
Yes, my muscle tension is bad. But I’m not ignoring it—I’m tending to it. When I’m worried about an aspect of work, I don’t berate myself for worrying too much. I remember that my worry is a signal that I care and am trying to do a good job. I’m not playing against myself all the time; I’m on my own team.
I’m experimenting with new routines.
Hardly anything I used to do to take care of myself feels helpful right now. Instead of trying to stick to what used to work, I’m playing around with new schedules, new techniques. For example, I just realized that even though I'm exhausted, I need 15 minutes of cardio right after work because it helps me shake off the day.
I’m reminding myself why I took this job.
Constantly reconnecting to my "why" makes me feel tethered. I took this job because the increase in pay will support my dreams, because there are certain aspects of museum work I love, and because I wanted to be in-person with a team. It was my choice to take this job. It is my choice how much effort I put into it and how long I stay in this job. This is not something that’s happening to me; it’s an intentional direction I took.
And I’m reminding myself this is temporary.
I knew it would be hard at first, and it is. Things will get easier. I will find a rhythm that supports this new lifestyle, my body will adjust to being in a new environment, I will help my team make positive changes. Hopefully the stress will ease. Transitions are really hard, but they're temporary.
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Overwhelm is not a personal failing. It’s a healthy response to an overly demanding world full of broken systems and backwards priorities.
My stress is a normal response to the urgency and scarcity our culture perpetuates. This society doesn't value joy, play, ease, and rest. Our bodies rarely get their needs met.
Yes, I’m treading water right now. I’m doing whatever it takes to stay afloat. Maybe I’m putting a little too much pressure on myself at the new job. Maybe I’m a little too nervous about doing everything right. But I care. I want to do well.
Being empathetic and conscientious aren't character flaws. I don't want to stop caring. Just because I'm stressed out doesn't mean I need to change who I am.
I'm practicing accepting myself and my current reality. Not fighting everything all the time. This insanity is what my life looks like right now. Can I jump in the current and maybe try to enjoy this crazy, challenging thrill of a ride? Can I laugh at the absurdity of all this? What would make things 5% more bearable today?
It’s OK if life feels hard.
Even though this new job is kicking my ass, I’m still a good person with a beautiful life.
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As I wrap up, there's a little voice inside me that says this post isn’t good enough. That this all sounds too grumpy and isn't my best work.
But I know you don’t mind. You know all about overwhelm, and I bet you want to hear the truth rather than some polished, prompt parable.
I hope we can take the shame out of being overwhelmed.
Your turn:
What value judgement do you place on yourself when you're feeling stressed out?
What would you say to an overwhelmed child to soothe them? Is that how you talk to yourself when things get stressful?
What are the things that help you stay afloat during challenging times?