5 Ways to Transform Worry
Photo by Quinn Corte. Great Meadows National Wildlife Refuge. Concord, MA, 2020.
Listen to an audio reading of this post (10 minutes):
I joked with a friend recently that life felt like a game show called the Wheel of Worry. We can just spin the wheel and let it land on one of the hundreds of things to worry about (except in this game, the only prize is angst). There is just SO much to worry about, both personally and collectively.
Throughout the pandemic, I have been working on interrupting my negative thought loops. Being riddled with worry is unhealthy for my body, it puts out negative energy to those I am worrying about, and it renders me exhausted and ineffective at supporting others, moving forward with my own goals, and taking actions for bigger change.
Here are some techniques and inquiries that helped me transform my worry this past year.
1. Moving worry through the body
Worries are thoughts—yes—but they are also unprocessed, raw energy trapped in the body. We have the power to move our worries out of the body with the intention to alchemize them into vitality. Good ol’ fashioned exercise is amazing at this. But here are a few other active worry-moving techniques to play with:
Throw a tantrum
Shake your body out in a way that feels good to you
Dance to a favorite song
Try Releasing Worry through Yoga or Breathwork for Releasing and Connecting in our library
2. Making worry into an offering
For the first few months of the pandemic, I started a morning ritual to turn my worry into an offering.
Every morning I would go to the kitchen to make my oatmeal and tea. While the water was heating, I would stand quietly for a moment and allow my mind to rest. I asked myself who might need extra support today. I would wait quietly until I became aware of someone (or a group of someones). For me, it usually felt like a gentle whisper or a feeling rising up in my consciousness. I would take a moment to focus my heart on that person or group of people. Then I lit a candle as I silently made an offering of love, support, courage, or validation.
I honored teachers, hospital workers, protestors, or domestic workers who were putting themselves at risk.
I sent courage to friends as they faced difficult situations.
I lent my heart to those who were sick, scared, or grieving—whispering that they are not alone.
After focusing my love into that flame, I would let the candle burn while I made breakfast. When I left the kitchen, I blew out the candle. I imagined my offering floating away into the universe. This simple practice helped me turn worry into intentional prayer, one day at a time. I also found that it gave me greater focus with how to help others each day, making me a more effective friend, activist, neighbor, and ally.
This ritual is inspired by the Buddhist practice of metta, or loving kindness—a beautiful way to offer intentional, focused kindness out to the world.
3. Taking intentional action
Whenever I get overwhelmed about systemic injustices and feel useless in my worry, I love this advice from Black activist Mariame Kaba, who has been a prison and police abolitionist for years. Because there are hundreds of new injustices everyday, she says we must find ways to take sustainable action. We can't constantly be so upset and so unfocused that we do nothing. We have to reflect on our capacity and preserve our energy.
When there’s an injustice that particularly upsets us—to avoid spiraling out—Kaba has four questions to help us transmute worry into aligned action.
(1) What resources exist so I can better educate myself?
(2) Who is already doing work around this injustice?
(3) Do I have capacity to offer concrete help and support to these people?
(4) How can I be constructive in this moment?
Worry and anger can be an incredible lighthouse, leading us to our love and our purpose. When we listen to our anger, we can let it drive us and fuel us. What are you most angry about in your body? Start there. Use it.
4. Reframing worry as trust
The wise writer Martha Beck says, “Most of us have a few paralyzing or agonizing thoughts we think over and over, lies we believe without question…I think they scream so loudly and persistently because they’re the lessons we most need to unlearn, the precise mirror images of the truths we’re trying to reach.” Beck recommends writing down your negative thoughts and then flipping them around and writing the mirror opposite. Could that opposite reflection become your new core truth?
For example, which is more true: “I’m going to be alone forever” or “I’m never alone”?
This is simple, but it’s actually very powerful. Try writing your negative thoughts down and reversing them. How do those mirror thoughts feel in your body?
Does this mean that if we put positive vibes out into the world, our dreams will come true and we will be safe? Hell no. We don’t do this practice to bypass the realities of difficult emotions and outcomes, or to live in a fantasy world.
But excessive worrying about things that aren’t true can weigh us down and keep us in a negative place. When we catch ourselves looping, we can try gently transmuting our negative thoughts into the converse statement of loving trust. It might help.
5. Supporting another person in their worry
Choose one person you’re worried about and take tangible action to support them. Ideally, choose someone with less privilege, capacity, or access to resources than you. If you know what they need and have a way to help provide it, go for it. If you don’t know what they need, don’t guess. Ask what their biggest concern is and offer them three ways you can help. Let them choose. Support isn’t helpful if it doesn’t actually meet a need.
If we’re worrying about the burdens of a group of people—say teachers or single mothers—how can we channel that worry into supporting one teacher or one single mother we have access to?
Some ways that we can help support another person in their worry are—
Offering to listen and hold space if they want to share
Offering to run errands or buy groceries
Offering childcare
Offering money or a gift card
Offering services in line with your abilities, like washing dishes or web design
Offering taking something off their plate so they can rest
Offering to cover for a colleague so they can take the day off
While we don’t help others to benefit ourselves, a brilliant side effect is that helping others actually does ease our own negative thoughts and improve our wellbeing.
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What have you learned about transforming worry during this year? What works best for you? Let us know in the comments below—it could be just the thing that helps someone else.
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Resources on The Retreat Space:
Understanding Worry (blog post)
5 Ways to Trust Yourself (blog post)
Underneath Anxiety (video + meditation)
Transforming Unhealthy Habits (video + meditation)
Releasing Worry through Yoga (video)
Breathwork for Releasing and Connecting (video)
Additional resources:
Anxiety is in Your Body, Not Your Mind essay by Emma Pattee
The Center for Mindfulness and Compassion offers wonderful (free!) online meditation groups
My friend Michelle Rial wrote and illustrated this hilarious, insightful book about worry
Sweat Your Prayers by Gabrielle Roth is a classic treatise on the Five Rhythms practice of moving energy through dance
Thriving through Uncertainty by Tama Kieves is a fantastic guide to navigating the unknown
The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Abrams shares ancient wisdom about facing hardship
Amber Rae offers insightful illustrations on Instagram (author of Choose Wonder Over Worry)