Understanding Worry

Photo by Quinn Corte. North Shore, Massachusetts, 2020.

There is SO much to worry about right now, collectively and personally.

Instead of numbing out, berating ourselves, or feeling completely panicked and unhealthy, let’s explore the meaning beneath worry. Once we understand it, we can learn to work with it.

What is Worry?

Worry happens when we dwell on difficulties.

It may start as a helpful brain signal, alerting us that something we care about is in danger. The problem begins when the alert is no longer helpful, but the worry is stuck as a negative thought looping in the brain.

Here are some great things about worry.

• Worry is our brain trying to keep us safe.

• Worry is a completely normal human response to how intense and challenging life is. There is nothing “wrong” with feeling worried.

• Worry can show us what and who we care most about.

• Worry often comes from a place of empathy or loving concern.

• Worry means that we care, are paying attention, and are engaged with life.

Here are some not-great things about worry.

• If it goes untended, excessive worrying can lead to inner suffering and torment.

• If we don’t release it, worry can get caught in our body and cause stress, tension, and illness. Sometimes it leads to a trauma response in the body, where we get stuck in fight/flight/freeze mode.

• If we become consumed with worry, we stay on the surface level and it becomes nearly impossible to heal or solve the root problem.

• Unchecked worry can feed addictive behaviors, tension in relationships, and chronic stress and unhappiness.

• If worry gets too loud, we can’t hear our calm inner wisdom that’s trying to help us.

Worry evolved as an important signal of compassion and survival. But in today’s world we often live inside worry as part of our lifestyle, and it’s making us feel sick and stuck.

A Trick for Stubborn Worry

Here’s a trick you can try the next time a stressful thought is cycling through your mind. I invite you to sit quietly for a moment and ask yourself:

1. “Am I worrying about something I can’t control?”

2. “What can I control that would help me feel better?”

So often we worry about things that are a) none of our business or b) completely outside of our control. Byron Katie asks herself, “Is this my business, your business, or God’s business?”

Even worse, we may try to soothe our worry by endeavoring to control something we can’t.

Let’s take stock.

Here’s what we can’t control:

• Events

• Outcomes

• Other people

Here’s what we can control:

• Our thoughts

• Our response

• Our breath

If you are worrying about something that you can’t control, practice gently letting go.

If you are trying to soothe yourself, leverage something you can control.

“If something can be done about the situation, what need is there for dejection? And if nothing can be done about it, what use is there for being dejected?”

— Shantideva, 8th-century Buddhist philosopher

In the coming weeks, we will be sharing specific techniques and guidance for surrendering to uncertainty, breaking negative thought patterns, grounding before we respond, and using our breath to calm the nervous system. Because there is no one-size-fits-all way to heal, I hope you’ll try a few on and see how they feel. Remember to be gentle, reach out when you need help, and go at your own pace.

Above all, remember that you are human and this is an especially hard time. It’s OK to be (really) messy.

~

Next Steps
> What’s your biggest challenge in overcoming worry? Leave a comment below.
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