Let's Get Serious About Having Fun
It's all fun and games until you step on one. Photo by Quinn Corte, 2018.
Let's Get Serious About Having Fun
I listened to a great interview with 75-year-old Ruth Reichl, a celebrated food writer. She talked about getting older and said, “I’m having so much fun in this life. I’m not ready to give it up.”
“I’m having so much fun in this life.”
What a wonderful thing to say!
I can’t stop thinking about it. When I’m 75, I want to be the kind of a person who says that. How do I become a person who’s having so much fun in her life?
The truth is that I do have a lot of fun, but I’m not sure if I actually notice it. My head is usually elsewhere—processing, reflecting, plotting. In order to have more fun, I need to get out of my head and into the world.
I’ll start by analyzing what I know about fun.
In June, I’m marrying someone fun. He has an actual twinkle in his eye. He’s full of surprises, always inviting me to do something unexpected and delightful, or just plain silly. He grew up in a remote rural area, so he learned to make his own fun out of nothing. It’s a magical power.
My partner has a huge capacity to go deep, but he always comes up for air. He has a gift for bringing lightness to the dark, in a way that honors both. As someone who tends to be intense and stubborn, I'm slowly growing softer and more open to life because of his playfulness. I’m learning to say yes whenever he has a suggestion. Now I’m the kind of person who swims in ponds on weeknights and throws cushions on the floor to watch a movie. It’s fun.
But what even is fun?
For me, fun is getting swept up in a moment of joy. I don’t think it’s possible to have fun unless I’m fully present and open. I can still be myself—thoughts and feelings welcome—but my fullest attention has to be on the experience. And I have to be receptive to letting fun in. To make a sweet memory, I have to be awake and ready. I must recognize that I’m having fun and let myself be carried away by it.
There’s a consensual element to having fun. One has to be a willing participant. Fun happens when I accept an invitation that's slightly uncomfortable and then surrender control. It’s harder to have fun sitting on the sidelines and taking it in through osmosis. And it's nearly impossible to have fun when I'm always turning things down. Curmudgeons say “no” a lot, don’t you think? Fun is often a choice.
Maybe fun is the slightly more outgoing cousin of contentment. I’m content when I’m in a comfortable state of enjoyment, like reading in an armchair. But I’m having fun when I’m stepping a toe outside of that comfort zone and actively leaning into delight, like running through a sprinkler.
Fun is also an attitude. I recently started learning how to pole dance (!) which is only fun when I don't take it seriously. I could get constantly frustrated because I’m not strong enough yet to climb the damn pole. Or, I can laugh at myself. I can enjoy the novelty of feeling awkward as hell. I’ve been choosing to laugh, and I always come home breathless, saying, “that was so hard and so fun.” Trying something new is a great shortcut to fun, but only if you have the right attitude.
Having fun is also a political statement. (Seriously.) Fun is choosing to do something for the experience of doing it, not for the result or reaction. When our lives are oriented toward work and responsibility, we miss the good stuff. Fun is living life for the sake of living. Fun is choosing to be free instead of impressive or oppressed.
Having fun is a basic human need, but it falls way too low on our lists. I know fun feels out of reach for a lot of people, but I think it’s essential that we change the narrative. Fun doesn’t have to be a party or a big adventure—fun can be woven into our regular life. And making time for fun doesn’t have anything to do with laziness or being out of touch with reality. Lightness can absolutely coexist with hard feelings and hard work. In fact, fun is the fuel that helps us get through hard times and long days. Without it, we run on empty.
How are we going to get through any of this unless we’re having fun? And more importantly, what’s the point of all this if we’re not enjoying ourselves?
I’m feeling grateful to Ruth Reichl for having so much fun in her life. I want my life to be so much fun, too. And when I’m having fun, I want to notice it. To soak it in and treasure it. I choose a fun life.
If I start practicing now, maybe—just maybe—I’ll be a fun old lady someday.
Your turn:
Are you having so much fun in your life? Why or why not?
Is having fun a priority for you? Does it come before or after work? Taking care of others?
How could you make today 5% more fun?