Waiting for “Real Life” to Start
Photo by Quinn Corte, 2021.
This is an excerpt from our August 2021 care package, a delightfully free monthly email written by Quinn Corte. Click here to subscribe, or click here to donate.
Listen to the audio version of the care package below:
Humor me for a minute, and complete this sentence:
“I will be happier when _____.”
(Ok, now pause here and actually answer it.)
.
.
.
What are you waiting on to happen before your “real life” can start?
This is a pattern I fall into over and over and over again.
I’m always envisioning the Next Big Thing and hitching my wagon to it. “Once I get married, get pregnant, get that promotion, quit my job, get a chance to rest, find the perfect house, have enough money, the pandemic is over…my real life will start.”
And guess what’s happening while I wait for these things? My real life.
And guess what happens after I don’t get those things? Or even after I do get them? Yep. It’s still my real life, and there are still more things I'm waiting on.
My real life is always happening: right here, right now. Rest or no rest. Job or no job. Pandemic or no pandemic. So is yours.
This is real life.
There’s nothing wrong with dreaming and goal-setting. But I often find myself outsourcing the bulk of my fulfillment to something outside of myself that I have little control over. I'm so busy looking wistfully at the horizon that I miss the cool grass beneath my feet.
I think it’s safe to say that all of us are in the midst of a big life change--or craving one. It’s a natural time to be making shifts, and I wish for all of us to leap wildly in the direction of our dreams.
But, maybe we sometimes place too much importance on that Next Big Thing. Will it actually make us feel fulfilled and fully engaged in our lives? If not, then what will?
I'm nose-deep in this inquiry, and I’ve created a workshop to help you think about it, too.
Meeting Our Needs: A Guided Inquiry Around Fulfillment is a live 90-minute workshop to help you explore what you need, what you’re waiting on, and how to feel more fulfilled on every level.
This is a practical and personal workshop that allows you to go deep into yourself and get curious about the twists and turns of your life. You’ll emerge with new insights, mindset shifts, community support, and gentle next steps for feeling more fulfilled.
The Browsing Nook
Nia Patterson channels her mental health and healing process into making art. She sells enamel pins (like the one above), stickers, and other whimsical creations about body positivity, self love, and Black culture in her shop, The Self Love Tool Chest. I'm excited to give away a prize from her shop at my live Meeting Our Needs workshop on August 15!
This episode of Real Talk Radio is a super honest interview with Holly Whitaker on the topic of waiting for your "real life" to start, finally getting what you've been waiting for, and finding out you don't want it anymore. (In her case it was becoming a CEO, finding the perfect partner, and publishing her book.)
An excellent 15-minute TED talk by Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris on how childhood trauma impacts longterm health. Massive applications here.
How to stop the workweek from feeling like a tedious treadmill (short article).
My top 3 favorite episodes (so far) of the killer new podcast by sisters Glennon and Amanda Doyle, We Can Do Hard Things:
1. Fun - listen if having fun is sometimes hard for you
2. Overwhelm - listen if you resent anyone who isn't as overwhelmed as you are
3. Boundaries - listen if you are a sensitive, loving human
“Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.” - Brené Brown
(Here's a short film of animals acting out the difference between empathy and sympathy).
"We want to need certain things.
We actually need other things."
- Mara Glatzel
Together, let's sift through what we want to need and what we actually need.
I hope to see you (and your cozy pants) at the Meeting Our Needs workshop on August 15!
(Note: If you missed the live workshop, you can purchase the recorded workshop right here.)
xoxo
Quinn