When Our Resources Don’t Match Our Ambitions
Photo by Quinn Corte, 2023.
Listen to the audio version below:
When Our Resources Don’t Match Our Ambitions
A friend recently shared why she left her last job. She said the institution didn’t have the resources to match its ambitions. She was constantly scrambling to meet lofty goals, even though she didn’t have what she needed to meet those goals.
It was a total setup for failure. And burnout.
This setup is the bedrock of most non-profits. (Do more with less!) It’s also an American fairytale about rags-to-riches. (Make something out of nothing!) And it’s plain-old gaslighting. (Anything is possible!)
But this setup is also so familiar because it’s how we treat ourselves. Many of us have sky-high expectations of ourselves, no matter what our inner resources are. We expect ourselves to be superhuman and feel like failures when we turn out to just be…human.
When we’re overwhelmed, we tell ourselves we can push through. And we can. Of course we can ignore our exhausted bodies, bad moods, ailing planet, and all our unresolved trauma in order to maintain our impressive record. We know how to please, perform, and deliver.
But at what cost?
At what cost do we ignore the exhaustion? What’s the price of starting every over-scheduled day in a state of deep deficit? What happens when we rarely have the resources to meet our ambitions?
Humans are amazing creatures. We have hidden reserves of strength we can call on to survive when our lives are threatened. But many of us call on these deep wells of resilience in our daily, privileged lives. We invoke our body’s survival response just to keep up with the demands of this insane culture. We ignore our exhaustion and push to be amazing friends, parents, workers, and citizens no matter what else we’re going through. We show ourselves and others that delivering anything less than a miracle is a disappointment.
I’m all about digging deep to be extraordinary. But we can’t live in that place of perpetual striving. Our bodies can’t sustain it. Striving floods our bodies with stress hormones, robs us of the beauty of being alive, and leaves us too exhausted to advocate for a better world. Also, when we always pull off miracles, we prove that we can—in fact—meet sky-high ambitions without enough resources. We raise the bar impossibly high for our future selves and everyone else.
Expecting constant excellence has too high of a cost.
Undoing this toxic pattern is some of our most important work. We need to revolt against an ableist culture that expects people to override their limits and constantly deliver miracles.
But how? How do we stop the cycle of achieving at the expense of our wellbeing?
We can stop sacrificing ourselves to get things done.
Especially when unreasonable demands are made, we need to listen to our limits and get used to letting the chips fall.
We can calibrate our ambition to match our capacity.
Just like a responsible boss would do, we need to take stock of our resources before setting expectations. And keep adjusting those expectations to make sure they’re reasonable.
We can resource ourselves for whatever job we’re trying to do.
Diving into to a major project without proper rest, support, and snacks is a recipe for disaster. If we’re committed to something, we need to think about what it will take to get the job done in a way that feels sustainable. Way too often, we overcommit and then we don’t give ourselves what we need to meet those commitments.
There’s a lot we can’t change overnight. But as we chip away toward changing the cultural narrative, we can start by cutting ourselves some slack.
For our own good and for the good of the world—let’s lower the bar.
Your turn:
Is there an area of life where you feel like you’re failing or not doing enough? Multiple areas?
How resourced are you feeling lately? What’s your capacity?
Do your inner resources match your expectations of what’s possible right now?