6 Practices for Lowering the Bar and Living More Sustainably
Photo by Quinn Corte, 2022.
Listen to the audio version below:
6 Practices for Lowering the Bar and Living More Sustainably
Those of us who are high achievers and recovering perfectionists often live from a place of deep deficit. We try to meet impossible standards with limited capacity.
Some of these high expectations come from the outside—our family, our workplace, our society. And often, the high expectations also come from within. While being excellent is our superpower, we can’t (and shouldn’t) expect ourselves to perform at that level all the time.
Many of us are too hard on ourselves. We don’t leave room for ebbs and flows of energy, and we wonder what’s wrong when we feel tired, snippy, or apathetic. But nothing is wrong with us. We’re simply trying to drive cross-country on fumes.
If you’re always striving to meet impossible standards, I suggest practicing two things: lowering expectations and increasing resources.
Lowering expectations makes “enough” feel within reach.
Increasing resources fuels a more sustainable life.
Making tiny shifts in both directions will close the chasm between where you’re trying to go and the juice you have to get there. Even if you lower the bar by 5% and feel 5% more resourced, that means you’re 10% closer to center.
Here are three ways to practice lowering expectations:
Be kind to yourself.
Do you speak to yourself like you would a struggling child or beloved friend, or are you relentlessly critical? Don’t expect more from yourself than you expect from others.
Spend your energy on what matters.
You expend so much energy striving for excellence. Take a moment to imagine what would be possible if you spent that energy instead on relationships, activism, creativity, pleasure, or play.
Set yourself up to win.
Redefine what it means to be “enough” each day. Adjusting expectations according to your capacity and season of life means you won’t always feel like you’re failing. Maybe today, “enough” is just showing up.
Here are three ways to practice increasing resources:
Calibrate your energy levels.
Throughout your productive hours, check in with yourself. Ask, “Am I investing the right amount of energy into this task?” If not, pull back. Conserve your superpowers for the most important things in life.
Take more restorative breaks.
Breaks should be agenda-free—a few minutes to let your nervous system settle and restore. What fills you up? Put your feet in the grass or go to your local cafe to chat with the barista. Add more fuel to your day.
Ask for support.
Not all resources should come from within. In a culture that reveres independence, choose community. If you feel unequipped to handle a certain area of your life, gather your allies.
Remember that perfectionism and urgency are tenants of oppression, ableism, and white supremacy. When you act with grace and humility, you’re not only making your own life easier, but you’re actively co-creating a culture of tolerance and mutual care.
In your relationship with yourself and others, take tiny steps toward grace. Do your part to make sure everyone is well-resourced and allowed to be imperfectly human.
As the sign in my studio says, “Let it be enough.”
~
P.S. A small and brilliant book about lowering your ambitions for cleaning house.*
P.P.S. A podcast episode about lowering your expectations of others.
P.P.P.S. An article about the trend of women choosing to be less ambitious professionally.
*If you purchase the book using this affiliate link, you'll support independent bookstores and The Retreat Space.