When the New Year Doesn’t Feel New

Winter pacing. (North Carolina, 2021.)

How is 2021 going for you so far? 

Not in the casual “oh, I’m hanging in there” sense, but in a deeper, self-reflective way. What is your energy and mood like? Does it feel like a new year? How is 2021 meeting or not meeting your expectations? I ask with no judgement; just total curiosity. 

I’ve been examining deeply entrenched beliefs like “The new year is the time to set goals and start fresh!” and asking if that feels true for me. It doesn’t—especially this year.

The last couple of years, I’ve noticed that January (for me) tends to be a time of adjusting, reflecting, resting after the momentum of December, feeling really internal, riding waves of sadness, and (interestingly) a time when big curveballs and new soul lessons rise to the surface. 

A friend reminded me recently that January is the dead of winter, which runs at cross-currents with the message that we should be feeling energetic. Why are we expected to “go forth!” “create!” and “make plans!” while the plants and animals are hibernating? For some of us, that doesn’t quite feel right. 

Think back to your Januarys past—is there a pattern for you, that maybe goes against the norm? We are all different. Some of us may feel energized and less distracted during the quiet of winter. Whereas the quiet may allow others to finally feel how exhausted they truly are. We have different needs, timings, rhythms, and associations with the seasons. 

If your expectations of 2021 aren’t matching your reality, take note of that. Offer yourself compassion. Nothing is wrong with you. Our culture doesn’t often make space for our differences, but what if we started to embrace them? My wish is that you embrace who you are and how you flow, instead of always trying to change yourself to fit in or keep up.  

This year I invite you to feel into your own rhythms, anniversaries, and energy. When does it feel like your new year starts? Your new year might start on your birthday, after a big grief anniversary, on a cultural or religious new year, or on the Spring Equinox (March 21).

Or you may identify more with seasonal shifts than the transition of a whole year. What time of year do you naturally feel most reflective? When do you naturally feel transitions? Retreat inward? Feel called to come out? 

Or maybe you are simply going through a lot, and this new year feels different because of your circumstances. We are in crazy-stressful times. Though we may be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in some respects, we are also still in the dark. Our bodies and lifestyles are adjusting to the solitude, chaos, and uncertainty of this era.

Let’s make space for the disappointment of ushering in a new year that may feel very heavy. 

I want to remind you that it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing, or what society tells you that you should be doing. However you feel in 2021 is valid and perfect. You are welcome to be your truest self here, together in community. 

And don’t forget: you get to design your own calendar, your own rhythms, and your own life.

Check these out…

Honoring Your Energy Cycles, an incredible 20-minute podcast episode by Mara Glatzel.

Part 3 of Lost & Found is all about finding your footing in times of transition.

Paula Jones offers mental health tips for February.