Contractions and Expansions
Photo by Quinn Corte, 2021. This Real Simple magazine clipping from about ten jillion years ago casually changed my life.
This is an excerpt from our July 2021 email care package, a delightfully free monthly email written by Quinn Corte. Click here to subscribe, or click here to donate.
Listen to the audio version of the care package below:
It's July! This is my favorite time of year. Are you enjoying summer as much as I am, or do you long for the quiet of winter?
In this care package, I am thrilled to share version 2.0 of The Retreat Space, including a new website with stronger bones and fresh energy. You'll also receive 5 Ways to Transform Worry, Dismantling Perfectionism & White Supremacy, and links with great LGBTQ+ Pride content.
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Before I unveil our new website, let's have some real talk.
I’ve been really engaged in my work lately. My cup is overflowing and I'm plugged into my purpose. For the first time in a while, I’ve been feeling energized, excited, and drenched in optimism. I’m in a major creation, learning, and planning cycle. (Side note: I haven't felt this way in...ages.)
Whenever I go through an expansion of any size, there’s always an accompanying contraction.
Lately, that contraction has been manifesting as persistent nervousness and doubts, usually in the morning: What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if I do something wrong? What if I run out of time? What if I run out of energy? What if this feeling goes away and never comes back? What if people don’t like me?
And often, those sweet little doubts spiral into massive existential anxiety: What if I can't do everything I want to do before I die?
These thoughts feel urgent and tangled and make me want to work harder, push myself more, and seek external approval every step along the way, instead of trusting my own pace and knowing.
Here’s what I’m trying to do instead.
Talking about my fears, like I’m doing now. If I speak or write them down, it helps to normalize and release them. Getting reassurance and reflections from my therapist and loved ones also helps.
Moving/exercising and yelling/groaning a LOT. This is what helps me discharge this particular brand of restless, loud anxiety that's no match for quieter meditations.
Leaning into the opposite of what my brain wants me to do. For example, I’m trying to slow down my work pace instead of speeding it up. I’m also doubling down on my practice of trusting and encouraging myself.
Constantly steering myself back to focus on what matters. Yes, I have a million things I want to do before I die, but what am I focusing on--and completing--right now?
Practicing satisfaction. In addition to celebrating accomplishments before I go to sleep, I picture and savor sweet moments from my day. I also (literally) schedule play time and "blank space" so I'm not working all the time.
Moving forward anyway. I won’t let this misguided sense of urgency stop me from continuing on. Rather than pushing myself aggressively forward or abandoning ship to avoid failure, I’m trying to make space and compassion for my fears and also gently nudge myself to keep going.
By the way, gently nudging myself forward isn’t always my response to fear. Sometimes when my anxiety is resisting something new, it’s a signal that what I’m considering is not in alignment. Or that my body needs rest or attention. Or that something is off. Fear is a protective mechanism, and sometimes we need to heed it.
But the fears that are born out of birthing something special or taking a soulful risk are a different breed. I’ve come to expect the barrage of doubts that arise before, during, and after a time of big personal growth. When I am doing something scary but fulfilling (like creative work or making a big move), those fears are a normal part of the process--NOT a signal to slam on the brakes.
My friend and former writing coach Jaime Fleres encourages me to do scary things and often reminds me that "the size of the resistance is a hint as to how much power is on the other side.”
So as I share version 2.0 of The Retreat Space with you, I’m super nervous. It’s a bigger vision that’s both exciting and just outside of my comfort zone. Declaring that “The mainstream wellness industry is broken and harmful, and I want to help fix it” means I will be stretching myself, deepening my work, and entering an area that’s uncharted for me.
I’m stepping out of the old and into the new. And that’s just plain...scary. But I know I can do it, because I've shed a thousand skins already in this life, and that's why I continue to grow instead of staying small.
Reflection questions:
Where in your life are you stepping into something new?
What fears and doubts are arising?
When you lean into your inner knowing, are your fears signaling that you should stop, or that growth is scary?
If you're meant to keep going, what support do you need and how can you get that support?
Anti-Racism & Wellness
Last month, I introduced a new Anti-Racism & Wellness series for white allies. My latest post, Dismantling Perfectionism & White Supremacy, is a 10-minute read that took several weeks to write (more real talk). I think the topic is incredibly urgent and relevant--and also really tough.
As we know, perfectionism is a mindset that is keeping us from taking risks, speaking up, and feeling like we are enough. But it's also keeping white supremacy in power.
I hope this post helps us think differently about the importance of showing up and making mistakes. Writing it helped me remember that we don't have to let our fear of doing something wrong hold us back from deep conversations and creating real change in the world.
If you don't have time to read it, I'll read it to you! Listen to the audio version here.
Transforming Worry
As I worked on the website redesign, I found a draft of a blog post from October 2020 called 5 Ways to Transform Worry. There are some practical tips and resources that seem pretty timeless and worth sharing. I hope you enjoy it.
You can read it on the blog or I can read it to you! Jump straight to the audio version here.
Our New Look!
When I started The Retreat Space I didn't know what it was yet. I was driven by certain ideas and desires but my plan was very rough. Instead of being a perfectionist, I let it be an experiment. I did a lot of YouTubing and got a website up fast. My dear friend, Kayla, provided the logo artwork (thank you, Kayla!). Other friends offered to co-facilitate events. We were able to get this thing going quickly. The past 16 months have been a wonderful experiment.
Just like my risk-taking magazine clipping at the top of this email, I didn't know what I was doing until I did it.
Fast-forward through my own messy, meandering creative process this year, and I now know what I'm doing. (Mostly.)
I want to help people practice soulful self-care that's grounded in community.
The new website reflects that intention. Together, we've created a foundation that I'm excited to build upon.
I hope you like it. Will you let me know what you think?
The Browsing Nook: Pride Edition
June was so full of amazing LGBTQ+ Pride content. I'm excited to pass along some of my favorite links. Enjoy!
Wow. I loved this 2-hour online event called Black Trans Stories Matter from TMI Project. By teaching storytelling workshops that culminate in live performances, TMI Project is a social justice organization that uplifts under-represented voices. This event reminded me of the vast array of identities and uniqueness within a seemingly narrow label like Black & Trans. The storytellers were amazing. Content warning: sexual assault and intense topics.
Gender-Neutral Pronouns Aren't New, from The Atlantic
A list of LGBTQIA+ Books for Kids, curated by the Anti-Racism Daily (Julián Is a Mermaid is fabulous.)
What it's like to be a transgender dad is a fantastic 13-minute TED talk by LB Hannahs. For every single interaction with someone new, they have to make a choice between being authentic or taking the easy route.
Navigating both sides of the coming out conversation (24-minute podcast)
This website is amazing. Heart Mob is a community of online bystanders who support and assist victims of online harassment of all kinds. I love how their volunteers flood negative online spaces with love and support. The resources here are also really helpful.
One of my favorite podcasts, Call Your Girlfriend, did a great episode called Queer and Questioning for people who are exploring new queer identities.
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Are you a teacher, healer, group facilitator, and/or writer with something special to offer our community? Do we share the same values?
We are hiring kindred spirits to share their healing gifts and wisdom--especially those with non-traditional backgrounds and areas of expertise.
Check out our new Work With Us page to learn more. (Or forward it to a friend!)
xoxo,
Quinn